Graphic Designer Marty Furgal has gone missing in recent weeks. Though the eight-year veteran of the agency frequently and randomly decides to work from home or takes off the Mondays after a Green Bay Packers loss, this recent absence has caused some colleagues pause … at least once they realized he just stopped showing up to work.
“Marty’s gone?” a mildly surprised Senior Art Director Mike Haines said after about two weeks. “Huh.”
Apparently, he didn’t feel the need to request PTO because he thinks he’s better than everyone else, a common sentiment he expresses passive aggressively to his pissed-off peers.
“If he never comes back, I’m cool with that,” copywriter and bitter enemy Shane Liebler said.
But unfortunately, the slacker’s tasks keep piling up, causing a major backlog and a shit ton more work for Mike, Project Manager Rachel Kelly said.
“Wait … What?” Mike said. “Where the hell is this kid?!?”
Adding to the kind-of, sort-of mystery, the Cuse Curmudgeons Facebook group Marty moderates has had nary a peep from its top poster in weeks. His Twitch channel has also been lame as of late.
Sources say the office has resorted to the obvious explanation: Marty took a ludicrously long lunch. He should hopefully return once he finishes whatever it is he does on his typical two-hour break from the rigors of creating social graphics and all the other stuff he constantly complains about.
“Marty, if you’re at lunch, please come back to the office,” pleaded Owner and Creative Director Travis Bort, who’s down to his last resort. “I got us a Canva account and gave some of his work to our copywriter, but apparently he’s on vacation.”